Marceauxed

Mike3550 posted this hilarious and sad political ad a few weeks ago. Well, I think it may have a competitor: Basil Marceaux, your next Republican governor of Tennessee.

The barely intelligible website I just linked to is mostly Marceaux' (Marceaux's?) platform. Here is the Tennessee titan in a video outlining his proposed policies.

He is into gun control, education, and flying the flag right. (I'm looking at you, Arah-Say Alin-Pay; it's actually illegal to drape a flag like that.)

Some highlights from Marceaux' campaign platform:

--"Make sure that if national insurance is put in place, I will make sure the roots of such bill with not inclued any type measuring of the waist like other counties."

--"VOTE FOR ME AND IF I WIN I WILL IMMUNE YOU FROM ALL STATE CRIMES FOR THE REST OF YOU LIFE! (Except violating a citizen rights this would be a special punishment )"

Hell YES. Keep your grubby hands off our waists, government. I don't want my doctor knowing anything about my body. Just give me the pills! Also, immunity from crimes? How does that work? If he's sworn in and I get arrested, could my defense just plead "Marceaux voter?"

But let's cut to the chase. What does Marceaux really stand for? What will he be fighting for in government? What important? Well:

"WHAT IMPORTANT:
"1.Education
"a. School violents
"b. Add reading of the minutes to the U.S.Congress mandatory
"c. Get more of the lottery money to 1-12

"2.Equal Health care
"a. a free gift program
"b. take a look at and redo all mandtory insurance programs
"c. See why dental is not in most plans a tooth aches hurt more than a back aches and no teeths depresses people

"3.Citzens Safety+Citizens Constitution Rights

"4.Improving Our Environment

"5.Budget

"6.Open doors more for Tn.food manufactures

"7.My plan will give the state free gas for all governmental cars and trucks

"8.Make the U.S. Flag in all state buildings and court fly right. if you fly a U.S.Flag you will fly it right"

Honestly, this platform could use a copy editor or six, but I think I get it. Hey, at least he wants Tennesseans to have clean, lovely, pain-free teeth. I could even get behind at least 1, 2c, 3, 4, and 8. Maybe 5, if all he's saying is that the word "budget" is really important to think about - I mean, it's not hard to say, but did you know that it derives from Latin, via French? And what have the French ever done for us besides threaten to measure our waists?

h/t Wonkette.

See you at the polls!

A Girl and Her Racist Dog (Part 2)

I have posted before about our dog, who has a proclivity for lashing out at non-Caucasian males. And, as when I posted about this earlier, Mike3550 is out of town doing some professional thing, so I feel a need to submit my typical low-brow contribution to this blog with an update on this burning issue.

Well, we moved about six months ago, and our new neighborhood is diverse like our previous neighborhood, but in different ways. It is mostly white/black. As I posted before, our dog was really displaying aggression towards Latinos (really men mostly). We did not encounter too many black folks in our previous neighborhood while walking the dog.

In our new neighborhood, she has displayed a fear of and aggression towards blacks. In fact, one day after a blizzard, we were walking down a very familiar sidewalk and an African-American man was walking towards us. Just as we got close, the dog executed a terrifying and sudden lunge bark. There is nothing like simultaneous fear, embarrassment, and oh-please-don't-let-us-slip-on-the-ice-and-crush-our-bones. I am sure that the man and I were both feeling all of these emotions, although his fear-to-other-emotions ratio was probably elevated, where my embarrassment-to-other-emotions ratio was. As usual, I yanked the pooch away and offered gratuitous apologies.

Well, I've had enough of it. It's humiliating, not to mention dangerous to let this go on. Yesterday, on a beautiful, sunny April afternoon, I decided to try something.

We live near a park where the neighborhood comes to play. It's really quite a utopian scene - children, adults, dogs of all races and backgrounds joining together to frolic in harmony. Playground, soccer, dog run. I walk my dog around this park nearly every day (the only day when she was really aggressive towards someone just walking on the sidewalk was that blizzardy day).

As we were walking, we approached an African-American man, woman and maybe eight- or nine-year-old child standing on the sidewalk. I wasn't sure what their relationships to one another were, but the way the man was acting with the child, I assumed they were father and son. The boy was smiling at the dog and said, "Look Daddy, a dog!"

My dog loves children. She will let them bang on her head and pull her skin and she will just take it. And she is equal-opportunity - no racism with children. But here was a situation I was not sure about. Historically: a black boy = good history with dog; a black man = bad history with dog.

I told them that she loves to be petted, that she loves kids but is a little afraid of adults. The dad, as I'll call him, encouraged his son to pet the dog. I made the dog sit. The dad started to pet her - not the way you're supposed to pet strange dogs, which I think is with a steady, gentle approach, and under the chin rather than over the head - but a little awkwardly over her head. I think my dog understood that I was endorsing this, so she didn't do anything weird except jump back. I explained, again, that she's weird with adults.

The son, as I'll call him, kept declining to pet her, and we started to walk away. When we were about 10 yards from them, the son said, "No, actually I want to try." I overheard and turned around. Yes. This was going to work.

I made her sit again and stroked her neck while the son patted her head and touched her neck. She was very calm. I said, "see, she likes you." He appeared to be very proud of himself. She also became more comfortable with the dad petting her, and even got distracted by some birds and looked around, relaxing.

I don't think we have solved her problem. But, just like with humans, I think what will help her overcome her fears of people who don't look like her "family" is repeated exposure to different people in a safe, friendly setting encouraged by her beloved masters. So, we need to be friendlier and more outgoing. This is hard for me, as I'm shy, but I am pleased with the tiny bit of progress we made.

Hopefully when Mike3550 comes back he will post about something smart/important.

You Can Pry The Free Beer That I Drink At Work From My Cold, Dead Hands

Danish beer producer Carlsberg faced a strike walkout combo this week. Were workers trying to protect their health insurance and retirement benefits? No. Were they protesting the death of their coworkers as a result of inadequate safety precautions? Um, not that either.

No, what happened was this: the company changed its beer policy so that instead of being able to drink throughout the day, workers could only drink at lunch.

My folks frequently regale me with tales of the days when three martini lunches really, literally happened, and workers took naps at their desks without shame. What happened, America? Why do we no longer love freedom?

Apparently Carlsberg had been planning to change the rule for a while, and smartly decided to get around to it right when the weather was nice enough for 800 workers to go on strike.

My favorite aspect of this news is that the truck drivers are exempt from the rule. You know, the people who drive enormous multi-ton time bombs across highways (although the company has installed some kind of don't-drive-drunk lock on its trucks)?

Europe is awesome in so many ways. Can you see a major corporation in the U.S. begging workers to come back to work because, hey, they installed taps near the employee cafeteria so you can have plenty of free beer at lunch!

I would love to go party across Northern Europe. I'll start by pre-gaming in Denmark.

Tiger Woods Situation Explained

In case you are wondering what happened, this makes it all much more clear (h/t & E.):

Jamming about Stats

I have a hard time imagining anything that could be better for the Pragmatic Idealist household. E.'s favorite band jamming about statistics! No, I'm not kidding. Really, I'm not. Check it out (h/t Mark Blumenthal):

Statistical Inference

Have I mentioned lately that I love xkcd?

Obama Ices Fly On Camera

I'm sorry, I know this is not serious news, but pile this CNN video onto Obama's sunk 3 pointer while visiting the troops on the campaign trail, and an eerie, sent-from-another-planet pattern begins to emerge. I love anchor #2's face after the clip rolls, it just continues to fall when anchor #1 attempts some incoherent banter about being scared of horseflies.

Blog Posts: Safe In Moderation

How are we ever going to be a legitimate source of information, snark and general pragmatic idealism if we don't post for two weeks? Absence has all been work-related, we swear. Please to enjoy this spoof of the corn refiners association commercials. Mike3550 and I have spontaneously done our own ("Hey hon, can you pass the salad?" "You know what they say about salad, don't you?") but these people do it better. Caution, there is a bleeped out racial slur that I think goes a little too far. Otherwise, hilarious.

Autotune My Life

Okay these "Autotune The News" bits are wearing on me, but I can't stop watching them. Mainly because I imagine my boss talking through an autotuner. "E. Couuuld Yooou Pleease Geeet Thaaaaat Teee Peee Esss Reee pooort Dooonnnne Tooo Maahhh Rooow. Greeeeaaat. Thaaaanks." Tight.

Palin Only Picks Up The Phone For Fake Politicians?

Oops. Palin didn't answer or return Bush 41's call--twice.

"Our source ran into the 41st prez recently at a Texas restaurant. When the subject of Palin came up during their chat, Bush told of twice phoning her office but never receiving a call back. The first message was left at McCain HQ after she was picked to be Sen. John McCain's veep; the second with the governor's office after the election was over. He shrugged it off as staff error, but our source says he was clearly perplexed."

Someone needs a new advance team...

His name is Matt. He likes to dance.

White People Like Gentrification

Or so I'm told:

In general, white people love situations where they can’t lose. While this does account for the majority of their situations, perhaps the safest bet a white person can make is to buy a house in an up-and-coming neighborhood.
...
They are like a modern day Lewis and Clark, except instead of searching for the ocean, they are searching for old properties to renovate.

In a few years, if more white people start moving in, these initial trailblazers will sell their property for triple what they paid and move into an ultramodern home.

Credibility or money, they can’t lose!

Although written to be funny (and succeeding quite well in this regard), it is scary how close this actually is to the truth for a lot of places. In fact, minus the part about Giuliani booting all the homeless people from public places, this post does a pretty good job summarizing Neil Smith's take on gentrification.

(h/t shakha)

Found in Brooklyn

Is comment really necessary?

Gotta love the neighborhood! h/t Sociological Images: Seeing is Believing. Yes, seeing this is definitely believing.

It Only Gets Better

Also from Gowanus Lounge: HIPSTER OLYMPICS!!!



Funny shit.

I'm glad I'm not a monster...

'Nuff said.